Terror in Akatsuki

The irritable sound of dripping was driving Hidan insane. He reached over to the sink, muttering under his breath, but found his fingertips centimetres away.

Jashin damn it, he’d have to get up.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed he accidentally knocked over his scythe. Hidan swore out loud several times as the three blades of the battle scythe did their job and impaled into his torso.

“OWCH!!! JASNIN DAMN IT!!!”

“What the Hell is going on?” Kakuzu grumbled switching on the lamp. Too annoyed with Hidan’s disturbance, Kakuzu had forgotten he’d loosen the stitches on his jaw for the night. As soon as he sat up in the eerie light of the bedside lamp his lower jaw fell directly downwards into his lap.

Hidan leap up and screamed an octave higher than he should have, pointing at Kakuzu and oozing blood on the carpet.

Kakuzu saw Hidan dripping blood on the recently cleaned carpet and started screaming at Hidan too.

Fearing the worst, Konan burst in through the door, concealed in vivid green face mask, demanding to know who was dead or dying. Kakuzu and Hidan saw this Hell-risen sight and screamed even more. Konan suddenly fainted at the sight of them.

This did nothing to help Kakuzu and Hidan.

Disturbed by the ruckus, Sasori stormed into the Immortals’ room, Deidara clinging onto his arms behind him, trying to convince him not to go in.

“Sasori-no-danna, don‘t!!!”

“Don‘t be such a child, Deidara, and get-”

Sasori’s eye widened in horror as his sight settled on blood drenched Hidan, passed out/dead Konan and Kakuzu trying to reattach his jaw with his threads in the ghostly lamplight.

Sasori let out a short, sharp cry and accidentally dropped his arms from their hinges in shock - an involuntary reflex his puppet body had to release excess weight and let him run faster when all else fails. Deidara, who was still clinging onto his danna’s arm was horrified to find he was holding them and took off down the corridor screaming in a tone (or lack of) only Dei-chan could, waving the arms over his head for no apparent reason.

“What the Hell is going on?!” demanded Itachi slamming open his door, Kisame swaying behind him sleepily rubbing his eyes and leaning on Samehada for support.

Deidara ran straight passed them, screaming and brandishing the arms, then jumped out the end of corridor window, sending glass everywhere.

Drowsy as he was, Kisame, as an ex-Swordsman of the Mist, knew what Deidara was flailing about.

Grabbing his partner’s arm he yanked him towards the stairs.

“Itachi! We have to get out of here!”

Kisame had made contact with Itachi’s unintentionally activated Mangekyo Sharingan eyes. While his world went negative, Itachi froze. Kisame collapsed on Itachi - crushing the little weasel.

Zetsu calmly walked up the stairs to the top floor, intrigued by the racket he could here from downstairs. The first thing he came across was Itachi being squished by Kisame.

Itachi grunted and stirred.

“I think we should help him.” his black half said, shoving Kisame off the Uchiha.

“Well, if Kisame‘s dead,” his white half concluded. “Let‘s eat him.”

Before Zetsu could do either, he heard a pathetic whimpering behind him. He turned.

Tobi, in his pink pajamas, carrying his Deidara plushie, had clearly just heard Zetsu consider eating the Swordsman.

Suddenly Pein crashed onto the scene demanding to know the whole who/what/when/why. Suddenly he stood on one of the pieces of glass Deidara had scattered in all directions. It went straight through his slipper and into his foot.

“F***ing b***ocks w**k b***er s****ing a**se cr*p!!!”

Tobi was startled by Pein’s remark and leapt in the air with a shriek. Instinctively Pein caught Tobi, then stumbled backwards, out the window Deidara had broken merely moments before.

“WTF?!” Hidan exclaimed.

“Oopse.” Kakuzu concluded.

Mairin leaned her head out of her door.

“Keep it down, will you!!!” she yelled, throwing an eight hundred and fifty page Jashinist “bible” at the closest person.

It hit Hidan square in the back of the head and he decided that it was best to give her a very black look, judging by the current situation.

Mairin slammed the door, totally oblivious of the escapade she had just missed.

Kakuzu shook his head in disbelief.

“…that girl…”

“She hit me with a BIBLE!!!” Hidan protested waving the book. “She hit me with a HOLY BOOK!!!”

“Ironic, isn‘t it?” Zetsu chuckled.

“Who asked you, asparagus?!” the Jashinist snarled hurling the book at the Venus fly trap.

“Great work, Hidan. Really smooth.” Kakuzu grumbled at his partner, clapping sardonically then ripping the scythe out his torso.

“It‘s not MY fault!” Hidan yelled, snatching back his weapon.

“Of course not, Hidan.” Kakuzu muttered sarcastically. He then proceeded to slam the door, lock it while his partner was still on the wrong side of it and get into bed. He would deal with this in the morning…