Deviation Actions
Literature Text
Part 2 of the saga.
THE FAN GIRL INVASION.
DEIDARA’S 16TH BIRTHDAY.
“They dug up Zetsu about ten minutes ago, now Hidan and Kakuzu are down,” Pein informed Konan through the radio. “And we just lost Itachi and Kisame! That‘s six including Sasori!”
“Oh my God…” whimpered Konan. “How do you know?”
“I can see them. Being carried around on stakes.”
Konan clapped her hand to her mouth.
Deidara took a peek out the enforced window, then leaned to the radio.
“Yep. Mairin has Hidan and Kakuzu, un. They‘re done for.”
“How‘s our end of the building?”
“You‘re fine. Now give me a minute, I need to finish something.”
* * *
“Dein! Stay still!” hissed Pein.
“I can‘t draw a mouth on your palm if you keep thrashing like that!” yelled Kein.
“I have more of his hair dye on my hands than in his hair!” muttered Hein.
Zein just kept a stupid grin on his puppet-like face, chipping into a headband to create the missing-iwa-nin hitai-ate.
Dein continued to thrash. His orange hair was now blond, his palms had permanent marker mouths, his headband was changed and a metallic scope glued to his eye.
“I think we‘ve put it on the wrong eye.” Fein thought out loud.
“No, Fein, we‘re ok.” Pein said making towards the door.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“The front door. Someone has to hold out from there.”
“No! It‘s suicide.”
“Someone has to do it.”
“…You have to tell Konan. Take the radio. Tell her.”
He held the radio in his outstretched hand. Pein took it.
“Thanks.”
“Good luck.” Kein said and Hein nodded.
“Good luck to Dein.” Pein said looking to Dein.
“I hate you.” Dein growled.
* * *
“Pein, are you ok?” Konan asked over the radio.
“I‘m going to be fine Konan. I‘ll see you again soon. I love you.”
“Pein, tell me what‘s happening!”
“Someone has to guard the front door.”
“No, Pein! You don‘t stand a chance alone!”
“Someone has to do it.”
“Pein-”
“We don‘t stand a chance if we don‘t stand up and fight!”
“…Pein…”
“I‘ll hold them off as long as I can. Konan, I love you.”
“I love you too, Pein.”
Pein stood in front of the front door. It was bowing under the weight of fan girls pounding on it, almost breaching it.
Pein was standing majestically in the porch, hand on his hips, ready to look them in the eye.
“Bring the pain.” he declared.
When the door broke, the wave of fan girls hit him.
* * *
“PEIN!!! NO!!!” Konan shrieked as the radio went static.
“He was a good man, Konan!” Deidara comforted her. “He wanted us to LIVE, un!”
Rustling at air-vent made Deidara jump in front of her protectively. The vent cover broke off.
A familiar orange mask poked through.
“Tobi?!”
“Tobi has come to rescue you!”
“Let‘s go, un!”
Tears were still steaming down Konan’s face as they left the radio behind.
“PEIN!!!”
“Come on, un!”
* * *
“We‘ve lost Pein!”
Hein the Human Realm, Kein the Hell Realm, Zein the Asura Realm, Fein the Preta Realm and Dein the Animal Path exchanged concerned glances. Pein was gone. The fan girls were strong enough to take down their leader. That scared their combined intelligence.
“Well, let‘s climb up the sky light then.” Hein concluded, giving Kein a leg up.
“I don‘t wanna do this!” Dein protested as Kein pulled him through the skylight. “I never did!”
“Shut up!”
Grabbing transformed Dein, Kein and Zein, the two larger bodies, lifted him over their heads. Hein shouted down to the fan girls below, invading their base:
“WE HAVE HIM!”
The fan girls stopped their assaults on the word. The captured Akatsuki agents looked up at the God sent vision. Deidara and Dein might as well have been twins.
“WE HAVE YOUR PREY!” Hein yelled. “DEIDARA! AGED 16 YEARS AND 19 MINUTES”
The fan girls cheered.
“No it‘s not!” yelled Dein, fearing for his life. “It‘s me, Dein! They lie!”
The fan girls kept cheering.
“Dein! We weren‘t going to hand you over, dumbass! We had a plan to save you! But no</I>, you blew it! Sayanora, buddy!”
With that Zein and Kein threw him off the roof. The fan girls began to swarm through the skylight.
The days of the Peins were over.
* * *
“They‘re catching up!” Tobi said to Deidara and Konan.
“Wait, Tobi,” Deidara responded. “You‘re voice, it‘s changed! It‘s not all goofy anymore, un!”
“I‘m sorry Deidara-sempai.” Tobi said in his new serious voice. “I‘m not what you think I am. But it‘s the only thing I can use to help you two escape. You‘re the victims here. I’ll try and get you as much time as I can for you to hide.”
“Thanks Tobi, un.”
“If I survive,” Tobi warned. “You owe me big time, kid.”
“Yeah, un.”
“Less talking, more running.” Tobi said slowing down to turn and face the hoards.
The fan girls came over the hill, standing silhouetted in the sunlight.
Tobi almost hummed “What‘s That Coming Over The Hill, Is It A Monster” in the spur of the moment.
“…Tobi-chan…” the fan girls drooled.
It was time for Tobi to reveal his most powerful technique.
He ripped off his mask. Masashi Kishimoto had made him change since the days of the First Hokage.
“HA!” he yelled triumphantly. “You wouldn‘t touch THIS would you?!”
Much to his horror, the fan girls kept on drooling.
He dared touch his face, just to check.
“What? Where are my wrinkles?” he demanded. “I‘m young again! I‘m GORGEOUS!!!”
He panicked.
“MANGEKYO!” he yelled, hoping for devastating results.
Nothing happened.
He touched his face again.
“Wait, how young am I? Sixteen? Oh crap, I don‘t have the Mangekyo yet! Double crap! I‘m blind! Run Deidara RUN!”
Tobi/Madara charged forwards waving his arms and screaming.
The fan girls set down the cupboard they were carrying and opened the door. Tobi/Madara ran straight into the cupboard and they closed then locked it behind him. Hefting him up onto their shoulders they carried him off.
“Why Kishimoto?! WHY?!”
Because this is a fanfic</I></U>. Anything can happen.
* * *
Deep in their hidden area, Konan cried on Deidara’s shoulder after Pein’s disappearance.
“A great many men have been lost to the cruel hands of fan girls today.” Deidara resolved. “They sacrificed themselves so that we might live. They will be remembered…”
Suddenly Konan stopped sobbing.
And she laughed.
The next thing Deidara knew, he was taped securely by his wrists and ankles to a chair. In his boxers. There was Konan, standing in front of him holding the duct tape.
“Konan!” he exclaimed. “I defend you! You betrayed us just like Mairin! Damn your oestrogen levels, DAMN THEM!”
Konan pulled open the tape and taped over his mouth.
“Oh, I couldn‘t resist.” she laughed.
